My last post is an example of control, and a need for success. And, well when you don't have friends (I really have none...) wanting control and success is the only thing I have a vision, if you will, for reaching. But, the lack of support outside of my family, it doesn't allow you to have self-confidence.
That's why I stated, "I want to disappear." another reason I'd say is to create friends, eventhough I'm an introvert. I will always be analyzing myself to try to not create the same situation but the same outcome is repetative. Maybe it is people being judemental? Or people critizing my past, family included?but they are NOT WORTH IT!! In relation, I would NEVER!!!!, disappear. Promise.
I had thought about an ex-boyfriend, and had realized that since I still think of him constantly I probably will never get over of him. I know why, too... It is due to his respect of me-and the way he looked at me I knew it had meant more than a "summer-fling"- Things like jobs and distance, and him being my first relationship that I really truly cared about made me hurt. But, I've never been in a legitamate relationship.
I want him to think about me like I do him.
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